Chester gets wheels.

So yes, there are more songs at my virb page. I've been knocked out of the top ten after reaching #7. That was fun while it lasted! I got knocked out by Elliott Smith's page posting a second posthumous album. At first I was really concerned that the proceeds were going to someone who didn't really need them, someone capitalizing on his death. Turns out it all goes to a good cause, Outside In, I think it's called, an organization that tries to help the homeless in Portland, Oregon. So that's good.

I was really quite surprised that I ever got on Virb's chart and radar at all with my dinky little recordings. It was unexpected and a lovely little ego boost.

For the last two weeks, I have been having huge epiphanies left and right, memories have been resurfacing, etc. I have needed to take some time to be. I've been knitting, reading, sleeping, playing video games with my fiancé. There is some sort of energy block in me manifesting itself in about a hundred different ways, some obvious and some not. Yesterday the lesson (re)learned was not to force things. I was trying to record and everything was going wrong. I couldn't bounce down tracks (stupid computer!, I kept saying when in reality I wasn't thinking or seeing clearly due to sleep deprivation), I couldn't get the sound I wanted no matter how hard I tried. It was so frustrating. I recorded and re-recorded. Over and over. Nothing worked. A gentle voice in my mind said, "Stop forcing this" and I finally had the humility to listen to it.

Been sort of floating for the last two weeks, and sometimes a person needs to do that. Have been a little down. We ordered my dog's wheelchair. That makes me happy, but his diagnosis doesn't. He's got Degenerative Myelopathy. He has about another year to go before his back legs are both totally paralysed if typical progress of DM is to be believed so maybe another 2 years in total. Chester the Wonder Corgi is my first dog. And he truly is an amazing dog, but being a dog won't live as long as a human might, obviously. At first, it was easy to be in denial about that. Besides, why fixate? These last two weeks, I have had to make peace with watching him slowly lose the ability to move and knowing with a near certainty that he has about two years left, given how quickly the disease is moving. As long as he is not suffering and is still really interested in his food, playing with his toys, "chasing" pigeons, I refuse to put him down. Lots of people who see him when we take him outside heartlessly and thoughtlessly tell us to do just that (Welcome to France, euthanasia capital of the world!), and I would , if he were unhealthy in any other way or if he were suffering to the point of not sleeping, not eating, etc. But he still has that sweet Corgi smile for everyone he meets, he's still very aware of everything, he's still very vocal. I really think that these wheels are going to mean a new life for him, and his last years will be happier ones. These last two weeks, I have been making peace with the fact that in about two years (please give me more!), I will have to put him down. He will let me know when it's time, or it will be completely obvious. I won't be sick about it, searching for clues and signs every single second. Still...facing the reality of it now is better than skipping along in denial.

The vets here have been totally against wheelchairs saying that they've never seen a happy dog in a wheelchair. Any nasty behavior from them and not only can they squat down and pucker up to kiss my ass, but they can also explain themselves to the Board of Veterinary Medicine. They are lying right through their teeth, of course. There are clips all over the internet of dogs running and playing in their wheelchairs, some partially paralysed, some totally. None of them seem to care that they are in wheelchairs. Like most dogs, they want their owners to be happy. As long as they aren't kicked out of the pack, they're quite content. The French have a strange attitude toward the handicapped in general. The mind boggles that both sign language and Braille were invented by Frenchmen, that there was a time when this country was at the forefront of enlightened treatment for the handicapped. Well, that time is over, apparently. For humans and other animals. Chester's wheelchair will also be a means to communicate and teach people here that there are options to euthanasia. I've been warned by the lovely people at Eddie's Wheels that I will get one of two reactions: people will either think it's the cutest thing that they've ever seen and be happy for him (that will include us and everyone who lives in the apartment building with us), or they will still be hell-bent on heartlessness and tell us to kill him. But there are assholes everywhere on this planet, and there will be until this planet is finally done with our nonsense.

Meanwhile, my dog gets his mobility back, and we get to go on nice long walks again. Plus I get to make up songs about him and wheels. I always sing songs about Chester to Chester. He loves it. So he'll get new ones - and "wheels" "chair" and "cart" open up new possibilities for rhymes, so that will be nice, too!