Why is it so hard for me to do two, three, four or five things at once these days? Multi-tasking was once my fortissimo forte, I was really proud about my ability to seem like I had a few extra pairs of arms. These days, I feel completely fucking useless.
I am finishing up A Tribe Called Request -- two more songs to go, some Kinks and a tune from Pet Sounds. It's been really fun working on so many different types of songs, each one has been a challenge. I moved the recording set-up from the livingroom to the bedroom. Experimenting. Turns out, for some songs, the bedroom is too dead. So now I'm back out in the livingroom. More light, more room for air, less cramped -- much better for my back, too. I still have such a long way to go before I get a really decent sound. Sometimes, I hit it, but most times, not. Some days I have drive, sometimes I have no patience whatsoever. Those are the days to do something else. Knit or play Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07, read, draw. Anything but record, frankly. I have learned that patience is mandatory when recording. Without it, it's just torture for you and anyone else nearby. It was easy when all I had to do was sit at the board or play/sing. Doing both can be really aggravating sometimes.
Between working on those songs, I have been trying to work on my own demo for my CD, Migration. But I can't seem to get anywhere with my own music. Most sessions end in total frustration and wondering why I ever thought any of my songs were worth two shits. My finacé is wonderful during these ego crises. Lots of hugs. Lots of "Well, I like them" and "They get stuck in my head all the time!" Which is lovely to hear, but the artist in me isn't only satisfied by the approbation of others. Most of the time, I think, "Well, that's nice of you. Thanks. But it doesn't fit/work/express what I meant to express..." Some of my songs are good, and I like them. Those are in French. Any song I write in English, however, usually gets guillotined. I am never happy with them no matter what I do to change them. I have decided that I am going to wrap up the one project and then move to the next. I guess that's just how I operate.
jeudi 31 mai 2007
vendredi 25 mai 2007
Chester gets wheels.
So yes, there are more songs at my virb page. I've been knocked out of the top ten after reaching #7. That was fun while it lasted! I got knocked out by Elliott Smith's page posting a second posthumous album. At first I was really concerned that the proceeds were going to someone who didn't really need them, someone capitalizing on his death. Turns out it all goes to a good cause, Outside In, I think it's called, an organization that tries to help the homeless in Portland, Oregon. So that's good.
I was really quite surprised that I ever got on Virb's chart and radar at all with my dinky little recordings. It was unexpected and a lovely little ego boost.
For the last two weeks, I have been having huge epiphanies left and right, memories have been resurfacing, etc. I have needed to take some time to be. I've been knitting, reading, sleeping, playing video games with my fiancé. There is some sort of energy block in me manifesting itself in about a hundred different ways, some obvious and some not. Yesterday the lesson (re)learned was not to force things. I was trying to record and everything was going wrong. I couldn't bounce down tracks (stupid computer!, I kept saying when in reality I wasn't thinking or seeing clearly due to sleep deprivation), I couldn't get the sound I wanted no matter how hard I tried. It was so frustrating. I recorded and re-recorded. Over and over. Nothing worked. A gentle voice in my mind said, "Stop forcing this" and I finally had the humility to listen to it.
Been sort of floating for the last two weeks, and sometimes a person needs to do that. Have been a little down. We ordered my dog's wheelchair. That makes me happy, but his diagnosis doesn't. He's got Degenerative Myelopathy. He has about another year to go before his back legs are both totally paralysed if typical progress of DM is to be believed so maybe another 2 years in total. Chester the Wonder Corgi is my first dog. And he truly is an amazing dog, but being a dog won't live as long as a human might, obviously. At first, it was easy to be in denial about that. Besides, why fixate? These last two weeks, I have had to make peace with watching him slowly lose the ability to move and knowing with a near certainty that he has about two years left, given how quickly the disease is moving. As long as he is not suffering and is still really interested in his food, playing with his toys, "chasing" pigeons, I refuse to put him down. Lots of people who see him when we take him outside heartlessly and thoughtlessly tell us to do just that (Welcome to France, euthanasia capital of the world!), and I would , if he were unhealthy in any other way or if he were suffering to the point of not sleeping, not eating, etc. But he still has that sweet Corgi smile for everyone he meets, he's still very aware of everything, he's still very vocal. I really think that these wheels are going to mean a new life for him, and his last years will be happier ones. These last two weeks, I have been making peace with the fact that in about two years (please give me more!), I will have to put him down. He will let me know when it's time, or it will be completely obvious. I won't be sick about it, searching for clues and signs every single second. Still...facing the reality of it now is better than skipping along in denial.
The vets here have been totally against wheelchairs saying that they've never seen a happy dog in a wheelchair. Any nasty behavior from them and not only can they squat down and pucker up to kiss my ass, but they can also explain themselves to the Board of Veterinary Medicine. They are lying right through their teeth, of course. There are clips all over the internet of dogs running and playing in their wheelchairs, some partially paralysed, some totally. None of them seem to care that they are in wheelchairs. Like most dogs, they want their owners to be happy. As long as they aren't kicked out of the pack, they're quite content. The French have a strange attitude toward the handicapped in general. The mind boggles that both sign language and Braille were invented by Frenchmen, that there was a time when this country was at the forefront of enlightened treatment for the handicapped. Well, that time is over, apparently. For humans and other animals. Chester's wheelchair will also be a means to communicate and teach people here that there are options to euthanasia. I've been warned by the lovely people at Eddie's Wheels that I will get one of two reactions: people will either think it's the cutest thing that they've ever seen and be happy for him (that will include us and everyone who lives in the apartment building with us), or they will still be hell-bent on heartlessness and tell us to kill him. But there are assholes everywhere on this planet, and there will be until this planet is finally done with our nonsense.
Meanwhile, my dog gets his mobility back, and we get to go on nice long walks again. Plus I get to make up songs about him and wheels. I always sing songs about Chester to Chester. He loves it. So he'll get new ones - and "wheels" "chair" and "cart" open up new possibilities for rhymes, so that will be nice, too!
I was really quite surprised that I ever got on Virb's chart and radar at all with my dinky little recordings. It was unexpected and a lovely little ego boost.
For the last two weeks, I have been having huge epiphanies left and right, memories have been resurfacing, etc. I have needed to take some time to be. I've been knitting, reading, sleeping, playing video games with my fiancé. There is some sort of energy block in me manifesting itself in about a hundred different ways, some obvious and some not. Yesterday the lesson (re)learned was not to force things. I was trying to record and everything was going wrong. I couldn't bounce down tracks (stupid computer!, I kept saying when in reality I wasn't thinking or seeing clearly due to sleep deprivation), I couldn't get the sound I wanted no matter how hard I tried. It was so frustrating. I recorded and re-recorded. Over and over. Nothing worked. A gentle voice in my mind said, "Stop forcing this" and I finally had the humility to listen to it.
Been sort of floating for the last two weeks, and sometimes a person needs to do that. Have been a little down. We ordered my dog's wheelchair. That makes me happy, but his diagnosis doesn't. He's got Degenerative Myelopathy. He has about another year to go before his back legs are both totally paralysed if typical progress of DM is to be believed so maybe another 2 years in total. Chester the Wonder Corgi is my first dog. And he truly is an amazing dog, but being a dog won't live as long as a human might, obviously. At first, it was easy to be in denial about that. Besides, why fixate? These last two weeks, I have had to make peace with watching him slowly lose the ability to move and knowing with a near certainty that he has about two years left, given how quickly the disease is moving. As long as he is not suffering and is still really interested in his food, playing with his toys, "chasing" pigeons, I refuse to put him down. Lots of people who see him when we take him outside heartlessly and thoughtlessly tell us to do just that (Welcome to France, euthanasia capital of the world!), and I would , if he were unhealthy in any other way or if he were suffering to the point of not sleeping, not eating, etc. But he still has that sweet Corgi smile for everyone he meets, he's still very aware of everything, he's still very vocal. I really think that these wheels are going to mean a new life for him, and his last years will be happier ones. These last two weeks, I have been making peace with the fact that in about two years (please give me more!), I will have to put him down. He will let me know when it's time, or it will be completely obvious. I won't be sick about it, searching for clues and signs every single second. Still...facing the reality of it now is better than skipping along in denial.
The vets here have been totally against wheelchairs saying that they've never seen a happy dog in a wheelchair. Any nasty behavior from them and not only can they squat down and pucker up to kiss my ass, but they can also explain themselves to the Board of Veterinary Medicine. They are lying right through their teeth, of course. There are clips all over the internet of dogs running and playing in their wheelchairs, some partially paralysed, some totally. None of them seem to care that they are in wheelchairs. Like most dogs, they want their owners to be happy. As long as they aren't kicked out of the pack, they're quite content. The French have a strange attitude toward the handicapped in general. The mind boggles that both sign language and Braille were invented by Frenchmen, that there was a time when this country was at the forefront of enlightened treatment for the handicapped. Well, that time is over, apparently. For humans and other animals. Chester's wheelchair will also be a means to communicate and teach people here that there are options to euthanasia. I've been warned by the lovely people at Eddie's Wheels that I will get one of two reactions: people will either think it's the cutest thing that they've ever seen and be happy for him (that will include us and everyone who lives in the apartment building with us), or they will still be hell-bent on heartlessness and tell us to kill him. But there are assholes everywhere on this planet, and there will be until this planet is finally done with our nonsense.
Meanwhile, my dog gets his mobility back, and we get to go on nice long walks again. Plus I get to make up songs about him and wheels. I always sing songs about Chester to Chester. He loves it. So he'll get new ones - and "wheels" "chair" and "cart" open up new possibilities for rhymes, so that will be nice, too!
mercredi 9 mai 2007
dimanche 6 mai 2007
Too shy to say.
In order to combat my nerves about the French election, I recorded some tunes today. A request from a friend, and the song that made me want to learn to play ukulele, "Blue, Red and Grey."
I'm never satisfied with anything I've done, but maybe you will be.
Maybe not.
I was going to plop a link to BRG in comments on Pete Townshend: The Book, but feel it isn't appropriate somehow.
I'm never satisfied with anything I've done, but maybe you will be.
Maybe not.
I was going to plop a link to BRG in comments on Pete Townshend: The Book, but feel it isn't appropriate somehow.
Art, money or fun?
Over at Pete Townshend's blog, his most recent post about the internet and music got my attention.
In this new internet-influenced music business, still so nascent in many ways, I think a lot of people are asking themselves this question regarding art, money or fun. It's a question that needs to be answered before a person puts music up onto the net, certainly.
The post ends with, "Nothing has changed." I am confused because most of the post talks about the changes: how anyone can "discover" a band now, etc. To end the post with, "Nothing has changed?" I don't understand.
Everything has changed. We're just not sure yet to what extent. But as far as liberty of expression, as far as promotion everything has changed. My reasons for putting my request line up were to share my recording experiments with the world by recording and to make downloadable my versions of the songs my friends wanted to hear. It's a fun little project. A way to introduce whomever wants to listen to my voice and style. It seems to be working. In one week, I have been on the front page of a PC gaming magazine's web page noted as their preferred soundtrack for the day and already mentioned on numerous music-related and non blogs. I have over 1000 all-time plays on my virb page!
When it comes to my own music, I am much more serious. It must be protected before I post it, I will only put up a few downloadable songs. What's changed is that I get to control that. And, for me, promotional control as well as artistic control are good things. It is my most sincere hope that I can make a living as a singing/songwriting musician, if only to prove my father wrong. I will promote. I admit that I hope someone will listen to my music and think, "Damn! We need to sign her!" I have no shame in that whatsoever. There are people like my brother who only record and post for the sheer fun of it. And that's valid, too. He doesn't want money, he just wants to play.
The real deal for me is connecting. I just do what comes naturally to me, and I share it. That sharing sometimes creates a connection between me and the listner. If one day I can take it further, get a deal, whatever, I'll be grateful. That's what I most want and that's what I am trying to do. For art, for fun, and for money? Why not all three? Why not change the "or" in the title of this post to an "and"?
One of the things I love about In The Attic is that it's not just a promotional tool. It's also, at least to me, about connecting. All the different musicians who come on are connecting with you two (three, really, hi Mikey!) and the fans are, too, and it's a win-win-win all the way around. There is no competition going on. It's inclusive and nuturing. Very healthy. It's a great concept, works in theory and in practice. And it shows the essential open nature of this new age in the music industry. I won't say I've never dreamed of being invited one day because that would be a total lie. Just for the FUN of it! Is fun the essential component of why any of us small fish or big make music? God, I hope so. We all know what happens when money is the primary motivator. I think the chain should go like this for the serious working musician: fun, art, then money. The money isn't an evil thing, I think, if fun and art come first. If the money is the motivator, first the art suffers and then the fun is gone.
In this new internet-influenced music business, still so nascent in many ways, I think a lot of people are asking themselves this question regarding art, money or fun. It's a question that needs to be answered before a person puts music up onto the net, certainly.
The post ends with, "Nothing has changed." I am confused because most of the post talks about the changes: how anyone can "discover" a band now, etc. To end the post with, "Nothing has changed?" I don't understand.
Everything has changed. We're just not sure yet to what extent. But as far as liberty of expression, as far as promotion everything has changed. My reasons for putting my request line up were to share my recording experiments with the world by recording and to make downloadable my versions of the songs my friends wanted to hear. It's a fun little project. A way to introduce whomever wants to listen to my voice and style. It seems to be working. In one week, I have been on the front page of a PC gaming magazine's web page noted as their preferred soundtrack for the day and already mentioned on numerous music-related and non blogs. I have over 1000 all-time plays on my virb page!
When it comes to my own music, I am much more serious. It must be protected before I post it, I will only put up a few downloadable songs. What's changed is that I get to control that. And, for me, promotional control as well as artistic control are good things. It is my most sincere hope that I can make a living as a singing/songwriting musician, if only to prove my father wrong. I will promote. I admit that I hope someone will listen to my music and think, "Damn! We need to sign her!" I have no shame in that whatsoever. There are people like my brother who only record and post for the sheer fun of it. And that's valid, too. He doesn't want money, he just wants to play.
The real deal for me is connecting. I just do what comes naturally to me, and I share it. That sharing sometimes creates a connection between me and the listner. If one day I can take it further, get a deal, whatever, I'll be grateful. That's what I most want and that's what I am trying to do. For art, for fun, and for money? Why not all three? Why not change the "or" in the title of this post to an "and"?
One of the things I love about In The Attic is that it's not just a promotional tool. It's also, at least to me, about connecting. All the different musicians who come on are connecting with you two (three, really, hi Mikey!) and the fans are, too, and it's a win-win-win all the way around. There is no competition going on. It's inclusive and nuturing. Very healthy. It's a great concept, works in theory and in practice. And it shows the essential open nature of this new age in the music industry. I won't say I've never dreamed of being invited one day because that would be a total lie. Just for the FUN of it! Is fun the essential component of why any of us small fish or big make music? God, I hope so. We all know what happens when money is the primary motivator. I think the chain should go like this for the serious working musician: fun, art, then money. The money isn't an evil thing, I think, if fun and art come first. If the money is the motivator, first the art suffers and then the fun is gone.
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