samedi 10 mars 2007

Recording equipment.

Should be getting some stuff soon for recording on my computer. Nothing too fancy, but I am so excited. I've decided to go M-Audio, couple of (really very sweet and juicy) studio mics and the Firewire 410 with dual XLR inputs so I can record decent acoustic guitar sound and my voice while doing both at the same time. I don't like separating the two. It's never been a problem when I am singing on someone else's recording, but somehow I feel too separated to emote properly. Maybe that's just an excuse to throw down the money for two sweet and juicy studio mics. Not sure. I'll try both recording styles and see where that gets me.

Trying to figure out where to record in this small-ish apartment is a bit of a brainteaser. We have a very large closet that we want to convert into a small office. The acoustics are too tight and tinny. I would need something to soften the space. I've heard of one of my musical heros gluing cork against the walls in a similar situation. Our lease says that's illegal. Our lease says we even have to account for the yucky repeating pattern of upside-down Chinese character wallpaper in our bedroom if we change it. I was thinking of painting the room Robin's Egg blue. That would be an improvement. Then again, I like to think we'll be moving soon, so why bother?

I feel that I have really semi-integrated into living in France now. My psyche bucked at first. I'm getting married to a Frenchman, but one who isn't very, you know, *French*. This is it. This is pour toujours. It will become increasingly difficult to change our minds about where we want to live. The choice was between Paris and L.A. At first, the choice seemed obvious until I got here and endured nearly a year of French bureaucracy, the lack of a right to work, the lack of rights in general (all those truths which Americans hold to be self-evident), French *friendships* which seemed stable, but were in fact too brittle to last, loneliness, etc. The upside is that I finished writing a novel and wrote so many songs, I have more than enough for a CD, I drew a lot, read a lot. And people in L.A. aren't that much nicer, really.

It was just such a change even though I had lived here before. I was living in Venice, CA in a house a block from the beach, working 50 hour weeks at a web design company not even a mile away also a block from the beach. Things were mellow, sunshiney, flowery and I was getting used to that. I was getting used to jeans - tshirt - flip-flops, jumping on my bike every morning to go to work. And the place where I worked. I used to give my boss guitar lessons! He was a surfer. It was very, very relaxed even though the hours were a little tough sometimes. My fiancé and I decided on Paris because I love him too much to put him through the humiliation of visiting the INS in America. I have lived in France before. I know the system, I fought once before and almost won. But I wasn't allowed to have a proper job at first. I worked on creative projects exclusively. This sort of situation was always my dream, but it was difficult to abandon myself because of the fear and stress of my irregular status in France. Difficult also to accept that writing a novel and writing songs was *real* work. I want to do these things as my real work. Yet...it's a leap. This year was a time to learn whether or not I really had the discipline and desire to make a novel and a CD happen. The query's at a lit. agent's office and I'm about to record a demo (or possibly a CD, we'll see...), so there's my answer.

Now, I feel that I am getting the hang of France again. Shedding the overpowering work ethic and not feeling weird about it. Hope that doesn't keep me from finding a job in the coming months. My next big step will be to find places to play. I'll start with open mics and then bother a few promoters. After a really bad relationship with the leader of a very fun band (I was the singer) ended in Austin, TX a few years ago, I haven't really performed much. My early childhood shyness returned. Somehow I managed to lose that before the age of ten. How can I get back to that courage and sense of play?

Jeanne Moreau once said something to this effect about getting over nervousness on stage, "Go out there complete, awake, alive, and give what you've got as though it were a gift you are giving to the audience." I don't think she meant that one should be arrogant about it, though some arrogance may be necessary depending on what a person is doing. I think she meant in the way a sensitive child gives a gift to a parent. There's humility, and there has to be some fear or you aren't caring enough, but there's also generosity. A person has to be strong to be truly generous, to give without ever expecting thanks.

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